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The Conservative Palinguage Guide Vols. 1 and 2
September 5th, 2008 | Posted in Talkback | Vol. 1
If you’re a minority and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a “token hire.”
If you’re a conservative and you’re selected for a job over more qualified candidates you’re a “game changer.”
If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you’re a “baby daddy.”
If you’re the same in Alaska you’re a “teen father.” (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you’re an F’n redneck that don’t want any kids, but that’s too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).
Black teen pregnancies? A “crisis” in black America.
White teen pregnancies? A “blessed event.”
If you grow up in Hawaii you’re “exotic.”
Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you’re the quintessential “American story.”
Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you’re “unpatriotic.”
Name your kid Track, you’re “colorful.”
If you’re a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fulling vetting the individual you’re “reckless.”
A Republican who doesn’t fully vet is a “maverick.”
If you say that for the “first time in my adult lifetime I’m really proud of my country” it makes you “unfit” to be First Lady.
If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you “First Dude.”
A DUI from twenty years ago is “old news.”
A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is “relevant information.”
And, finally, if you’re a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife’s reoccurrence of cancer you’re a “questionable spouse.”
If you’re a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn with Downs Syndrome… Well, we don’t know what that is ‘cause THAT’S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK!
Vol. 2
If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a national presidential primary, you’re a “phoney.”
Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populous state in the Union, you’re “well loved.”
SoyAA says: If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs darn near 2 years and 3 major speeches to “get to know you.”
If you’re white and from a state not connected to the lower 48, America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech to know you’re “one of us.”
If you give your wife a dap on stage, it’s actually a “terrorist fist jab.”
If your daughter licks her palm so that she can slick down your youngest child’s hair on national TV it’s an “adorable moment.” (Seriously, forget about abstinence only, teach these folks some grooming skills).
DTD SAYS: If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States of America, you’re an “extremist.”
If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus who preaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews that they must convert to Christianity, you’re a “fundamentalist.”
If you’re a black man and you use a scholarship to get into college, then work your way up to being the president of the Harvard Law Review, you’re “uppity.”
If you’re a conservative and your parents pay your way to Hawaii Pacific University . . . you only have four more schools to attend over the next five years before you somehow manage to graduate (it might be five more school over the next five years. No one has yet verified whether or not Palin was actually ever registered at the University of Hawaii at Hilo. But, you know how shady people are who ever attended any kind of school in Hawaii).
SeanOcali says: If you’re 18, white, and get a 16 year old girl pregnant “life happens.”
If you’re 18, black, and impregnate a 16 year old girl, you’re a “registered sex offender.”
If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of “Change,” it’s just “empty rhetoric.”
If one week before your party’s national convention you SUDDENLY make your candidacy about “Change,” that’s “red meat.”
And your last lesson for the day:
If you are a Democrat, an Independent, or even a moderate Republican, if you’re female, male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic, bi-racial, multi-ethnic, or GLBT, if you’re a Jew, Gentile, Muslim, agnostic or atheist - “Yes, we can!”
If you’re a pitbull with lipstick from Alaska, “Yup, yup!”
A democrat who buys (pays for) property at market rate from a to-be-exposed scurrilous businessman you are the anti-christ.
—
A republican whose pastor condemn Jews and insists they’re responsible for their own persecution - you’ll never know because it’ll never be reported.
A democrat whose pastor points out and questions the hypocrisy of American Foreign and Domestic policy - you’re church will receive bomb threats, your pastor death threats, and you’ll be subject to deep analyzing of your faith and patriotism.
ThatGuy | September 3rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm |
F–in HILARIOUS!!
Amy | September 3rd, 2008 at 1:56 pm |
If you are a liberal and your unwed daughter gets pregnant it’s “immoral”. If you are a christian it’s called “family values”.
joseph | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:10 pm |
If you spend 3 years as a community organizer growing your organization from a staff of 1 to 13 and your budget from $70,000 to $400,000, then become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new African Amerian voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, then spend nearly 8 more years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, becoming chairman of the state Senate’s Health and Human Services committee, then spend nearly 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of nearly 13 million people, sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran’s Affairs committees, you are woefully inexperienced.
If you spend 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, then spend 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, then you’ve got the most executive experience of anyone on either ticket, are the Commander in Chief of the Alaska military and are well qualified to lead the nation should you be called upon to do so because your state is the closest state to Russia.
Dale Petrie | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:17 pm |
More Palinguage (spoken with a Mc Cainguage accent):
If you are a Democratic male candidate who is popular with millions of people you are an “arrogant celebrity”.
If you are a popular Republican female candidate you are “energizing the base”.
If you are a younger male candidate who thinks for himself and makes his own decisions you are “presumptuous”.
If you are an older male candidate who makes last minute decisions you refuse to explain, you are a “shoot from the hip” maverick.
If you are a candidate with a Harvard law degree you are “an elitist-out of touch” with the real America.
if you are a legacy (dad and granddad were admirals) graduate of Anapolis, with multiple disciplinary infractions you are a hero.
If you manage a multi-million dollar nationwide campaign, you are an “empty suit”.
If you are a part time mayor of a town of 7000 people, you are an “experienced executive”.
If you go to a south side Chicago church, your beliefs are “extremist”.
If you believe in creationism and don’t believe global warming is man made, you are “strongly principled”.
Amom2 | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:20 pm |
If you are a pregnant and your waters break when you are 7 1/2 months along far away in Texas where you are to give a speech, it is perfectly acceptable if you are a social conservative for you to give the speech anyway, fly to Seattle, fly to Anchorage, drive another 45 minutes to get to the podunk hospital outside Wasilla. Who needs those big city hospitals with all the resources to help your special needs child? 13 to 14 hours between waters breaking and getting medical attention for yourself and the child you know is already highly vunerable is the sign of a “tough” woman.
If you are anyone else, you are irresponsible, a political opportunist, selfish, and/or stupid and/or crazy.
crystal | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:28 pm |
If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you’re a Christian. If you have been married to the same woman with whom you’ve been wed to for 19 years and raising 2 beautiful daughters with, you’re “risky”.
Deb Green | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:36 pm |
If you are a Democratic woman canidate and complain about the way a women is treated and attacked in the media, it is called “whining” (Sara Palin’s own words) If you are Sara Palin and are treated the same way it is called “sexism”
joseph | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:37 pm |
Dale Petrie, thank you thank you thank you!
lauram | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:38 pm |
You forgot about “yup, yup”! That means she’s ready to rule the free world!
Gwynn | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:44 pm |
If you are a Democrat and the media digs into your past and prints it, it is called “good journalism and getting to the truth”. If you are a Republican and they do the same thing, it is called a “smear campaign”
joseph | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:47 pm |
If Sarah Palin’s husband gets arrested for DUI 20 years ago, it’s current events. If B. Hussein Obama did cocaine 20 years ago it was just “youthful experimentation”.
TheSilentMajority | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm |
If you’re a black single mother of 4 who waits for 22 hours after her water breaks to seek medical attention, you’re an irresponsible parent, endangering the life of your unborn child.
But if you’re a white married mother who waits 22 hours, you’re spunky.
Bill M | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm |
If you’re a Republican and your underage daughter gets pregnant out of wedlock, it’s a “blessing.”
If you’re a Democrat and you get a blowjob, it’s a matter for the Supreme Court.
David | September 3rd, 2008 at 3:07 pm |
If you’re a 13-year-old Chelsea Clinton, the right-wing press calls you “First dog.”
If you’re a 17-year old pregnant unwed daughter of a Republican, the right-wing press calls you “beautiful” and “courageous.”
David | September 3rd, 2008 at 3:12 pm |
If you vote for a bill then vote against it you are a flip-flopper
If you seek funds for building a bridge, then decide not to build the bridge and keep the money for other things you are a champion against wasteful spending.
Evelyn Roebuck | September 3rd, 2008 at 3:19 pm |
If you kill an endangered species your an excellent hunter…If you have an abortion your not a christian, your a murderer ( forget about if it happen while being date raped…)
Love these keep em comin….
Cass | September 3rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm |
*If a Republican mother (v.p candidate) brags about and tells the false date of deployment, 9/11, which is against Operational Security (OPSEC) and illegal. it is called a “proud mother putting America first”.
If a Democrat talks about their son’s deployment it is “putting the troops in danger”.
*When Republicans refuse to give body armor in battle, decent post healthcare, or college benefits to our troop, it is called “supporting our troops”.
If Democrats vote to give body armor, decent post healthcare, and college benefits to our troops, it is called “insincere”.
*If Bush agrees to a set date of troops leaving Iraq it is called “horizons”.
If a Obama calls for a set date of troops to leave Iraq, with the blessing of the Iraq government, it is called “timetables”, “endangering our troops”, “cut and run” and “wanting to lose the war for political purposes”.
joseph | September 3rd, 2008 at 3:43 pm |
If you’re a Republican president and you engage in illegal war, bankrupt the country, and legalize torture and spying on US citizens, that’s okay because Jesus is your favorite political thinker.
If you’re a Democratic president and you generate the largest increases in wealth for all economic classes, preside over a balanced budget, and create an unprecented surplus, you get impeached for fellatio.
David | September 3rd, 2008 at 4:47 pm |
If you are a Republican mayor of a small town of 8,500, and fire the Police Chief and Library Director for not supporting your political campaign, you are a reformer who is merely cleaning house.
That scandal is worse than Troopergate or anything else I have heard. This woman is almost certainly a tyrant in the making, but too little is known about her to expose her to the fools in the “GOP”.
kitsinu | September 3rd, 2008 at 5:00 pm |
If you’re a repub. guv. you can LINE ITEM VETO funding for homeless pregnant women-THE TRAMPS! But if it’s your daughter, who-hoo buddy, make like a caribu and split. That’s God’s will. Even if the abstinence-only bit missed it’s mark…And I’m Christian! And I still can’t stomach these neos… Help us Obama-You’re our only HOPE.
irishnhere | September 3rd, 2008 at 5:50 pm |
If your a a liberal mayor and you ask for government financing, your a “fan of big, tax and spend, corrupt government.”
If your a conservative mayor and wind up on John McCain’s “worst pork” list in 2001, you are “”disgusted” that small towns like yours are dependent on earmarks,” even if your town had no earmarks before you became mayor.
hat tip: Chicago Tribune
tom0063 | September 3rd, 2008 at 6:13 pm |
If you are a liberal President and you have an affair with an intern, you are impeachable.
If you are a conservative Governor and have an affair with your husband’s business partner that comes out just before your big big speech, you better get that Secret Service protection quick - Todd knows how to shoot!
tom0063 | September 3rd, 2008 at 6:15 pm |
[…] Got some Palinguage? They’re keeping tabs here. […]
John Ridley Nails It - Your Pocket Guide to Speaking Palin-guage - Jack & Jill Politics | September 3rd, 2008 at 7:36 pm |
I started googling “palin terrorism” when I found the first quote at http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080903/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_palin_iraq_war;_ylt=AuZtH47ME7zUxtp11pzMqh.s0NUE - and found the 2nd on the first page of over 1 MILLION hits:
When Sarah Palin told ministry students at her former church that the United States sent troops to fight in the Iraq war on a “task that is from God.” does that mean she missed “”Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Matthew 5:9) - or doesn’t her church support Christ? Does she realize that her view is no different than a terrorist’s - just “for” a different religion?
When Obama’s minister is found to be railing against whites (which apparently has never been expressed by Obama), the minister is a bigot, Obama should have walked out of the church and Obama is his dupe in forwarding the cause of minorities. When Palin is invited by her minister (Larry Kroon) to hear David Brickner, founder of Jews for Jesus (on August 17th, 2008) state “That the violence and death in the Middle East is God’s judgement of unbelief against Jews” Brickner is preaching his evangelical beliefs which should in no way reflect on Palin and there was no reason for her to not stay for the whole “speech”.
Mary | September 3rd, 2008 at 7:41 pm |
If you teach abstinence only in sex education, you get teen parents, if you teach responsible age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
Thanks for some of the biggest laughs I’ve had in a long time!
Auntienursey | September 3rd, 2008 at 7:56 pm |
if youre Jamie Spears your parents are pinheads because you got pregnant (O’Reilly on Fox) but if youre Bristol your mom is eminently qualified to be VP …
anton | September 3rd, 2008 at 8:25 pm |
If you’re a young American serviceman abused by enemy captors on a daily basis, you’re a hero who stoically endured inhumane torture and put country first. If you’re a young Arab or Pakistani grabbed in a battle zone, shipped to an American military prison by way of a third country, and held indefinitely without trial, you’re a vicious Islamic terrorist who doesn’t deserve to be treated like a human being.
Dredd | September 3rd, 2008 at 9:03 pm |
how could there be comparative language???? unlike democrats, conservative sins DON’T COIUNT!!!!!!!
dean | September 3rd, 2008 at 9:13 pm |
If you’re the so-called liberal media, you are wrong for even mentioning the Stepford Veep’s kids.
If you’re the Republicans, you’re merely introducing us to Palin’s family for what seems like forever so that people realize what great family values they have.
Crutnacker | September 3rd, 2008 at 9:29 pm |
If you are a white evangelical and claim that war with Iraq is God’s work you are a true Christian
If you pretend to be a white evangelical (G. W.) but are really a United Methodist whose bishop wrote you a letter before the Iraq war asking you not to go to war in Iraq and you went to war anyway because God told you to - you are still a true christian, and an honorary Evangelical.
Consider this: If you are on the corner of Powell and Market street in SF and God tells you to kill people - you should be in an institution where you can get help - (but Ronald Reagan turned you out) hmm, starting to see a pattern
But, if you are a black christian, whose pastor has shown disdain for the country’s going to war with Iraq, you are really a Muslim and a traitor.
If you are Jesus and the question of whether to stone a woman came up, you would draw pictures in the sand where everyone would see their own inequity written in the sand and the people would walk away, leaving the woman - and soon after you are vilified by the leaders of the day and ultimately crucified.
What would Jesus do about Iraq? Blow them all UP?
jomama | September 3rd, 2008 at 9:30 pm |
If you supported a war that is costing $2.4 billion a day, you’re a patriot who wants smaller government.
If you oppose the war, you’re a defeatest who wants big government.
Crutnacker | September 3rd, 2008 at 9:33 pm |
If you’re a Republican senator who solicits gay sex in an airport bathroom, you get to return to your job in the Senate and are encouraged to run for re-election.
If you’re a Democratic Senator who is out of public office and have an affair, your political career is over and your wife who has terminal cancer is to blame.
David | September 3rd, 2008 at 9:57 pm |
If Michelle Obama would have made a comment about Alaska borders being near Russia therefore Palin must have had some interaction with Russia said by Cindy McCain. They would have tried to make Michelle out to be an idiot. You are absolutely correct the Republican party are full of a bunch of hypocrites. When Jamie Lynn Spears( 16 year old star of Zoey 101 and sister of Brittney Spears) got pregnant, these same social concervatives wanted the show cancelled. Now everyone says that families are off limits but Sarah Palin uses them as props to make her look like she is this wonder woman jungling work and family balance but she is the one putting them out there. I think it was very selfish of her to put her daughter out there to be dragged through the mud. You know they are forcing Levi to marry Bristol. I can not stomach to watch the RNC because it reminds me of a KKK meeting. For Sarah Palin to mock and make fun of community organizers show how out of touch she and McCain are everyday people.
Cocomo | September 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 pm |
I really don’t want to attack her on her family, but darn it, she’s parading them out as one of her main selling points. Rants about hypocrisy are too easy, too cheap. This post, on the other hand, is perfect. You hit the nail on the head with just the right tone. No whining, just satire, satire that works because it’s so true.
Mark Stoneman | September 3rd, 2008 at 11:02 pm |
If you’re a Republican and also happen to be Ronald Reagan, the first divorced president in the history of the country, you’re hailed as a crusader of family values.
If you’re a Democrat and also happen to be Hillary Clinton, who kept her family together despite her husband’s dalliances, you’re vilified as a “shrew” and a “witch” (although with an alternate pronunciation).
David | September 3rd, 2008 at 11:39 pm |
If you’re a Republican and you don’t wear a flag pin on the cover of People Magazine, it’s okay because you’re a “maverick.”
If you’re a Democrat and you don’t wear a flag pin, you’re a secret Muslim terrorist.
David | September 3rd, 2008 at 11:40 pm |
If you’re a conservative and you pray that the leaders of the country are sending soldiers on a task (war by any other name) that has been planned by God, you are obviously well qualified to assume a leadership position involving foreign policy.
If you’re a Democrat and you dare to question the President’s plan, you are a defeatist, barely qualified for community organization.
seashell | September 4th, 2008 at 12:34 am |
If your a woman talkin tough your a strong woman, a man talkin tough is a sexist pig. A white woman talkin tough is an advocate of women’s rights, a black woman is angry and bitter. A white man talkin tough is a straight shooter and a conservative, a black man is a angry gangsta rapper. If your charged with sexual harassment and pay your way out your Bill Orightly, U call a woman “sweetie” and your sexist and out of touch.
FRANK | September 4th, 2008 at 12:55 am |
If you are the governor of Alaska and have four children with taxpayer-financed health care, you demonstrate family values by becoming pregnant with number five while working for the taxpayers. If you have two children and no health care, you probably can’t afford more children because you ARE the working taxpayer.
Teran | September 4th, 2008 at 1:16 am |
If you are the Right-to-life governor of Alaska who chooses to have amniocentesis, you are preparing yourself for the birth of a special-needs child. If you are a democrat who chooses to have amniocentesis, you are endangering your pregnancy and denying God.
If you are the unmarried 17-year old daughter of a Republican right-to-life governor, your choice to remain pregnant is a private family matter. If you are the unmarried daughter of anyone else, your private right to choose is denied by the same Republican governor.
Teran | September 4th, 2008 at 1:22 am |
if you spell it “nucular” you’re homer simpson.
if you spell it “new-clear” you’re the great young hope of the gop.
marc | September 4th, 2008 at 6:37 am |
I don’t have anything to add, but I do have a reply that my co-worker responded with on these points. Pretty ridiculous!
———————–
I don’t know what to say, but it sounds like possible the angry left (as bush put it) is throwing sour grapes.
1. If you don’t know the true meaning of a token, then you are really missing the point.
2. If you are a teens who has a child no matter where you are from, you are in for a tough road ahead. If you are teens who plan on getting married and getting a job to support that new family. You can be admired for doing what is right, but still looked upon as having made a poor decision but soon will be blessed with unmeasurable joy. When you are having a baby as a teen and not able to afford that baby and have no plans of getting married to the father and being unable to support that baby and the people of this great country are having to foot the bill for you and your child it is a problem for all of us. This being said again the gift of a child no matter how old you are should be looked as a blessing, because God made us all and God doesn’t make mistakes.
3. When has exotic become a bad word unless you are just angry and bitter and looking to complain. Heck I wish I was considered exotic.
4. I have yet to hear anyone consider Barack an unpatriotic word, but maybe the name Hussein makes a few people uncomfortable. Can you imagine some in the 1940’s with the last name of Hitler or Mussolini running for President at that time.
5. They are adults and allowed to decide whom they would like as a VP candidate when they want. If a pour pick is made by either candidate it is their decision to live with. But again that is the liberals again trying to tell you how you should run your lives. I believe in Freedom, not big brother.
6. I’m sure we could have a discussion on this as soon as Barrack will talk about his association with Fringe political groups that are known terrorists. And why he stayed at a church run by an anti-American pastor that cussed out the great country that allows him to have free speech. He should go cuss out Thailand and see how they would look upon it, or speak out in Iran against their country and see what happens. I think that would solve that problem.
7. ADMITTING that you did something 20 years ago that you have paid your debt to society for is different than lying (sorry, mis-stating)some known facts.
8. You guys keep playing that “A woman is unfit to be a mother and a leader card” and you can kiss your angry, hateful, envious ass good bye. All women don’t take kind to being told they are incapable of doing something. Having kids is not like facing the reality of death of a spouse, but I guess when you have an adulterous affair waiting in the wings you don’t care.
Face it, you are all starting to get worried. We’re talking about what a great country we live in, and the opportunities that are available to those who want to work hard and achieve a dream (optimism). You people keep talking about how you can’t achieve anything in this country and that with out the governments assistance nothing is possible (pessimism). Good luck with selling that!
God Bless America!!! Not God D@#$ America.
Seth Buchanan | September 4th, 2008 at 8:22 am |
david, loved your post on Reagan….if my memory serves me correctly, his wife Nancy was “with child” by him before they married. But then again……they were just two fun-loving, fornicating kids at that time. He didn’t get serioius about morals until he had that Pubie epiphany on forcing government into our bedrooms before he became Guv of California. Repugs only want government to regulate when it comes to sex and deregulate so they can screw you in business. I just can’t buy their hypocritical philosophy, never have.
cigi | September 4th, 2008 at 10:18 am |
[…] of Palin, here’s an amusing site that helps you translate GOP-speak for those of you keeping score at home. They’ve […]
Poe Pourri « Destination Unknown | September 4th, 2008 at 10:38 am |
If you are a conservative and reveal that your son will be deployed on Sept. 11, but that is only the date of the deployment ceremony, you are the mother of a patriot who is doing the best to confuse the terrorists and protect the troops being sent over.
If you are a democrat and would announce the same thing, you would be called as pandering to the public and trying to garner public emotion through a lie.
sarah | September 4th, 2008 at 10:52 am |
[…] And, finally, if you’re a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife’s recurrence of cancer you’re a “questionable spouse.” If you’re a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn… Well, we don’t know what that is ’cause THAT’S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK. Got some Palinguage? They’re keeping tabs here. […]
Zev Mo Bloggin’ » Your Pocket Guide to Speaking Palin-guage (Vol. 1) | September 4th, 2008 at 11:03 am |
If you’re a GOP’er you naturally wouldn’t see what the problem with any of this was, even if you slept for 20 years on a dictionary opened to the word ‘hypocrisy’.
goblin | September 4th, 2008 at 11:51 am |
Seth B.,
1. The “token” comment didn’t make much sense (hence the reference to Bush) so it can be left alone.
2. As Senator Barack Obama and Senator Joe Biden have already stated, “Family matters should not be a part of a political campaign”; which makes me wonder why freshman Governor Palin has chosen to exploit her pregnant teen-aged daughter and her physically-challenged 4 month old son in hopes to gain favortism among the GOP and the nation.
3. I totally agree that “exotic” should not be considered a bad word - it simply means different. You’ve proven that you definitely are not different (I would say conservative status quo); especially with the views you’ve expressed here. I’m sure you do wish that you were considered “exotic”.
4. In regards to correlating a person’s middle name to something other than what his/her parents saw fit to choose, I urge you to refer to my items 1 and 3. You reeeally need to come up to the 21st century.
5. Freedom? Big Brother? Let’s talk about the convervative “Patriot Act” - Freedom being determined by Big Brother. You really aren’t exotic all.
6. First of all, this is NOT Thailand OR Iran. This IS the United States of America for which I served proudly for 20 years. Last I heard these rights you speak of also include Freedom of Religion. People have a right to practice any religion they choose in this country. Can you control the actions - or better still - the tongues of everyone you know or are associated with at any given time? To listen to the likes of you would be the same as believing that everyone who attends Catholic churches are child molesters or sexual predators. You need to get a clue.
7. ??? Another “Bushism” - doesn’t make sense.
8. I truly believe you should take a basic reading course. Nowhere in this thread did I read that a woman should be looked down upon if she wants to be a mother and take on a career whether it be corporate, political, or any other type. Unless you come from a different planet (as I read your comments I really began to believe this is a strong possibility) you would realize that women have been multi-tasking in this aspect for years. The problem is that conservative republicans don’t want to give equal pay to our wonderful Mothers/Career Women for the same work they perform in comparison to their male collegues. And speaking of adultorous relationships - didn’t Johnny Mac have one of those when his previous wife was disabled in a wheelchair? Isn’t the mistress now Mrs. Johnny Mac? Be careful not to throw stones while living in a glass house!!
Yes, let’s do face the facts. People are already worried. They are worried about how they are going to put enough $4 gallons of gas in their cars to make it to a job that may not be there tomorrow because the company they work for is getting big tax cuts from the government to move operations overseas for cheaper labor and and the big oil companies reap record billion dollar profits month after month. They are worried about their parents and grandparents who have worked all of their lives to build the American Dream for themselves and their families only to lose it because they have to make a choice to either pay outragious medical bills due to not being able to afford health insurance or make the mortgage payment. News flash sporty: The only assistance this government has been giving the last 8 years has been to the Iraqi government by allowing them to stockpile billions upon billions of dollars while we send our men and women to fight and die in a war that was waged by a man who took advantage of the vulnarability of an entire nation during a crisis. Why? To appease his own personal agenda (his daddy and oil). By the way - does Bush even remember who Osama Bin Laden is?
You are right about one thing though; this is a great country we live in and opportunities are available to those who work hard to achieve the dream. My parents did it, Senator Obama did it as did so many other Americans before and after them that weren’t born with a silver spoon in their mouths. These are the majority working class, proud, dedicated and persistant Americans that have been forgotten or set aside. You could take lessons from these folks but I seriously don’t believe you know any.
kingme0821 | September 4th, 2008 at 1:20 pm |
Shouldn’t these be “Palindromes?”
Phil Newton from Murphy, Oregon | September 4th, 2008 at 3:01 pm |
[…] my husband’s workplace. Here is some more perspective I thought relevant to our discussions from That Minority Thing, good food for thought as you think about your choice for […]
Latina Liz » Blog Archive » More on Pitbull Palin | September 4th, 2008 at 3:39 pm |
If you’re a Republican and the Supreme Court hands you the presidency, it’s “the will of the people.”
If you’re a Democrat and you win an election fair-and-square, it’s “liberal media bias.”
David | September 4th, 2008 at 7:03 pm |
If you are an American community organizer of any kind, your work was suddenly made to appear useless in Palinuage.
If you are George H.W.Bush and want the government let off the hook for any social safety net after Ronald Reagan helped dismantle it, you run on the idea of “A Thousand Points of Light” to have individuals & charities pick up the slack. Under George W.Bush you try to garner federal funds through the Faith-Based Initiatives.
Susan | September 4th, 2008 at 9:08 pm |
If Palin uses her children for photo opportunities, she’s a proud hockey mom.
If Obama uses his children for photo opportunites, he’s exploiting them.
If Republicans mention Obama’s children in any way, it’s a legitimate vetting of his parental skills.
If Democrats mention Palin’s children in any way, it’s disgusting partisan lies.
If a fetus is aborted, the unborn child screams with pain.
If a moose is shot for recreational purposes, it feels no pain.
vrocco | September 4th, 2008 at 11:18 pm |
If you’re a Republican and you talk to America’s enemies, it’s diplomacy.
If you’re a Democrat and you talk to America’s enemies, it’s appeasement.
David | September 5th, 2008 at 1:19 am |
If you’re a Republican who sits through a church service that includes the pastor’s teaching that Israel is being attacked by Hamas because God is punishing the Jews for not accepting Jesus, you have “strong convictions.”
If you’re a Democrat who sits through a church service that includes the pastor’s teaching that American foreign policy has consequences, you’re a secret Muslim terrorist who hates America.
David | September 5th, 2008 at 1:27 am |
If you’re a Republican with a questionable academic background, you’re a champion of American education.
If you’re a Democrat who was editor of the Harvard Law Review, you want to destroy America’s schools.
David | September 5th, 2008 at 1:30 am |
If you’re a Republican you think women should vote for a female candidate because you share the same biology, regardless of her stand on issues.
If you’re a Democrat and you vote for a woman who shares your ideology, you’re “playing the gender card.”
David | September 5th, 2008 at 1:32 am |
If you’re a Republican and you let a centuries-old metropolis drown in a hurricane, you’re “the decider.”
If you’re a Democrat and you let a centuries-old metropolis drown. … Wait, that’s never happened.
David | September 5th, 2008 at 1:34 am |
If you’re a Republican, you swear Jesus is a registered member of your party.
If you’re a Democrat, you appreciate that Jesus was a community organizer.
David | September 5th, 2008 at 1:43 am |
If you’re a Republican and you win the Nobel Peace Prize, you’re lauded as a champion for realpolitik and ending the Vietnam War (even though you actually prolonged it unnecessarily).
If you’re a Democrat and you win the Nobel Peace Prize, you’re a traitor (Carter) or a fabulist (Gore).
David | September 5th, 2008 at 1:47 am |
If you’re a Republican and you wind up on the cover of People magazine, it’s because you’re a “regular American.”
If you’re a Democrat and you wind up on the cover of People magazine, it’s because you’re a “celebrity.”
David | September 5th, 2008 at 1:48 am |
Don’t player-hate congratulate!
Joe momma | September 5th, 2008 at 6:15 am |
If you’re a democrat, you’ll be crying when your Messiah gets his butt whipped by an old man and a hottie.
If you’re Hillary, now you know that REAL women wear skirts and dresses, not hideous pant suits.
If you’re Snoop Dog, you need to spend some time in Alaska to see what real America looks like.
dan | September 5th, 2008 at 6:59 am |
If it takes you four years of college to realize you have to live a life of service, then you are an inexperienced radical.
If it takes your four years of college, several years as a drunken, malcontentious Navy “legacy” pilot, and five+ years in a Vietnamese prison to realize you have to live a life of service, you are a shining example of American heroism.
HDV | September 5th, 2008 at 7:33 am |
If you are a republican and you call the VEEP candidate a “Hottie” and belittle Hillary Clinton based on her clothing choices, you are making a statement of fact.
If you are a Democrat and you question the qualifications of a former part-time mayor from a small hamlet in Alaska, who has served as Gov. for less than 2 years… Well then my friend you are a SEXIST! SHAME, SHAME, SHAME!!!
Linda | September 5th, 2008 at 7:50 am |
Ha ha! Alaska is what real America looks like! That’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day! Do people in Alaska really think that??
Rosalie | September 5th, 2008 at 8:37 am |
If you’re a black Detroit mayor (pop. 919,000) who fires the top cop for failing to fire underlings who are involved in a lawsuit against the city (state business, crooked and very nominally state business) you are a confessed crook who abused his privileges and deserves a year of non-stop media coverage and a three-front trial.
If you’re a white Alaska governor (pop. 670,053) who fires the top cop for failing to fire underlings who are involved in a legal dispute against your sister (in no way at all state business) you are sticking up for family by properly using your privileges and several days of media attention, much discussion of legal consequences is crossing the line.
M.E. | September 5th, 2008 at 9:40 am |
great piece, but for the record (since we don’t want to stoop to their tactics, the NY Times issued a correction today on its report that palin belonged to that secessionist party.
sam | September 5th, 2008 at 10:24 am |
if the woman with the jawbone of mooselike proportions is a hottie to you, you are …
if you like seeing her whipping a man, you are …
if you’re more interested in what she says, you become a critic of her.
marc | September 5th, 2008 at 11:15 am |
You people are sad, sad, souls. All these comparisons you make, they are nothing but twisted words. Let’s focus on the real issues, shall we? I would recommend reading “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand. It will enlighten you, I promise.
L | September 5th, 2008 at 11:18 am |
If you’re a black Democratic man who can fill a stadium with 18,000 people (or worse, a German atrium with 200,000), you’re a vapid celebrity. If you’re a white Republican woman who can get a room full of fire breathing evangelical right wingers to holler, you’re a star.
JoyR | September 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm |
If you’re Obama your plan to tap natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, find ways to safely harness nuclear power, invest in fuel-efficient cars, and invest 150 billion dollars over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy is a “do nothing approach”. If you’re John McCain, your plan to increse offshore drilling, build more nuclear plants, create jobs with clean coal, and move forward on solar, wind, geothermal, and other alternative sources is “the most ambitious national project in decades”.
Chris | September 5th, 2008 at 2:53 pm |
If you are a Democrat, the days are counted down since the last time you have been to Iraq.
If you are a Republican, you have all the foreign policy experience you need because your state is close to Russia.
L | September 5th, 2008 at 2:56 pm |
If you’re a black woman, with advanced academic degrees, and you have children while married, you’re a “baby mama”
If you’re a white woman who barely graduated from college, and you get knocked up and then get married after you’re pregnant, you’re a “SuperMom”
==========
If you have studied international affairs for several decades, you’re “inexperienced at foreign affairs”
If you live in a state that is geographically near a foreign country, you have “foreign policy expertise”
AnneLouise Germaine | September 5th, 2008 at 3:03 pm |
If you’re a Harvard and Princeton-educated black woman married for years before having her first child Fox labels you a “Baby Mama”.
If you are a white woman who eloped and had a baby eight months later you are Sarah Palin.
magawisca | September 5th, 2008 at 3:16 pm |
I have read Atlas Shrugged…It like everything else written by Ayn Rand is boring claptrap.
mookworthjwilson | September 5th, 2008 at 3:20 pm |
If you are a minority and have a baby with severe Special Needs and you decide not to parent you are irresponsible and reprehensible. If you are white and a redneck from Alaska then you are the Governer.
Alice | September 5th, 2008 at 3:22 pm |
If you are black and dont wear an American flag on your lapel you are unpatriotic. But if you are white you can still be the Commander in Chief of the USA and while belonging to a succesionist organization for over a decade.
Alice | September 5th, 2008 at 3:25 pm |
To Rudy G., a prolonged presidential campaign in which 18 million people vote for you, US Senate service, state senate service, University Professorship, President of Harvard Law Review, and yes, community organizing, is “making the Washington Cocktail Circuit”…while banning books in Wasilly Alaska is ‘executive experience’.
TheocracyNow! | September 5th, 2008 at 3:30 pm |
If you are a poor white democrat from Arkansas..you are HilBilly! Nevermind the Rhodes scholarship. If you are black and make harvard law review and graduate magna cum laude you are “uppity” or an “out of touch elitist”!
If you are a Republican who is worth 100mil…whose wife wears 300k outfits you are a “hero”…a “maverick”! If you take 6years and 5 schools get a journalism degree and are from po-dunk alaska …you have the “common touch to relate to hockey moms everywhere”!
centrist | September 5th, 2008 at 3:30 pm |
[…] The Conservative Palinguage Guide Vols. 1 and 2 on That Minority Thing […]
the fine art of me » Blog Archive » Palinguage | September 5th, 2008 at 3:33 pm |
If you’re a Democrat who volunteered to fight in Vietnam and were honored for your service, you’re a coward!
If you’re a conservative who goes AWOL or seeks and receives FIVE WAR DEFERMENTS to avoid “Supporting the Troops” in Vietnam, you’re a hero!
Bobo555 | September 5th, 2008 at 3:46 pm |
Who too quickly and inconclusively vetted this “McCain’s first error” ? The Veep Candidate is less than qualified other than she is a citizen over the age of 35 and born in the the United States. That’s all it takes to be ‘The President’, which I hope never happens by the informed and collective intelligence of the voters or the untimely demise of the sitting President, (should he miraculously get elected).
The veterinarian who did this ‘vetting’ should have spayed and neutered both Palins.. We will find in time (yet to come or is it alredy being suppressed) that ‘Snowmobile Champion Todd’ is an albatross around Team McCain’s neck.
Ron Chatlos | September 5th, 2008 at 3:51 pm |
If the National Enquirer runs a scandalous story about a Democrat, it’s “Responsible journalism, that’s being suppressed by the MSM.”
If the Enquirer runs scandalous story about a Republican, it’s a “Libelous attempt to destroy a fine and accomplished public servant.”
Physicalist | September 5th, 2008 at 4:07 pm |
If you support the candidate who stepped onto the national scene 4 years ago, and has been campaigning for 18 months and whom you’ve grown to know everything about good and bad, you are a silly koolaid drinking follower.
If you worship the candidate you know little about who stepped onto the national scene just 7 days ago, you are a thoughtful voter.
Michelle | September 5th, 2008 at 4:17 pm |
If you are a person who as spent years trying to help other people better themselves you are an angry liberal
If you are a person that flys around in a helicopter shooting innocent animals you are a person doing Gods will
KevinR | September 5th, 2008 at 5:03 pm |
If you are a democrat with one house and one spouse, you are an elitist who lacks real American family values.
If you are a republican with 7-10 houses( you’ll check with your staff for the exact figure) and two wives( one an ex-model whom you left when she was disfigured in an accident and the other a former beauty queen and heiress who as your mistress broke up your family to become your second wife after paying off the first wife), you are a true hero and role model with mainstream American Christian values.
Lee | September 5th, 2008 at 5:12 pm |
If you are a black you are only voting for Obama because he is black too.
If you are white and voting for Obama it is because you have white guilt.
If you are not voting for Obama you are patriotic and a proud American.
Tanya | September 5th, 2008 at 5:20 pm |
If you are a democrat with one house and one spouse, you are an elitist who lacks real American family values.
If you are a republican with 7-10 houses( you’ll check with your staff for the exact figure) and two wives( one a former model whom you left when she was disfigured in an accident and the other a rodeo queen and heiress who became your mistress and broke up your family to become your second wife after paying off the first wife), you are a both just a regular guy and a true hero/role model with mainstream American Christian values.
Lee | September 5th, 2008 at 5:21 pm |
If you chant ‘Drill, Baby, Drill” you are positing an effective and responsible energy plan, science and logic be damned.
When you chant “Yes, We Can” you are a mindless automaton.
Cameron Johnson | September 5th, 2008 at 5:22 pm |
If you’re a Harved trained lawyer, who practiced law for 17 years, served your fellow citizens as a city council member, mayor of a town of almost 200,000, Lt Gov, and 3 years as governor of a state of 7.6M people, a stone’s throw from our nation’s Capitol, you’re a lightweight too inexperienced to be VP.
If you’re a former beauty queen/sports caster, PTA member, town council member, who as mayor of a town of almost 7000 pursued and accepted more federal earmarks than any other state in the union, despite your claim of refusing them, left your town in debt to the tune of $20Million dollars, campaigned against your own mother in law as your successor and went on to become governor for 20 months of a lovely state a stone’s throw away from Russia with 670,000 residents many belonging to the tribes of the First Nations and including your husband, who doesn’t want to be American, you are ready to be not only the VP, but the leader of the free world, a nation from which you actively support those who want to secede.
KLO | September 5th, 2008 at 5:23 pm |
If you are a democratic candidate and people around you complain about the MSM vitriole toward you, you’re a whiner.
If you are a republican candidate and you won’t answer the questions the MSM attempts to ask about your qualifications for the second highest office in the land, you’re being victimized.
KLO | September 5th, 2008 at 5:35 pm |
Thank you Kingme0821.
KLO | September 5th, 2008 at 5:36 pm |
If you’re a Democrat and were born in Hawaii, you’re “exotic.”
If you’re a Republican and were born in the Panama Canal zone, you’re just like everyone else.
David | September 5th, 2008 at 5:40 pm |
If you’re a Democrat who speaks out against the current administration, you “would rather win an election and lose a war.”
If you’re a Republican who speaks out against the current administration, you put “country first.”
David | September 5th, 2008 at 5:43 pm |
If you’re a Republican and have a sex scandal that involves a minor or a member of the same sex, you are hailed as an example of someone who practices “family values.”
If you’re a Democrat and have a sex scandal (with a member of the opposite sex of consenting age), you are “destroying the moral fabric of America.”
David | September 5th, 2008 at 5:48 pm |
If you’re a Republican and are divorced once (Reagan, McCain) or twice (Giuliani, Gingrich, Limbaugh), you are a champion of Christian moral values.
If you’re a Democrat and want to marry your gay partner, you are a threat to the institution of marriage.
David | September 5th, 2008 at 5:50 pm |
If you’re a Democrat and speak about the reality of global warming, you are a whacko alarmist.
If you’re a Republican and speak about the reality of global warming, you are a realist.
David | September 5th, 2008 at 5:53 pm |
Definition: ‘community organizer’- Scary, lazy black man doling out taxpayer money to scary, lazy black people.
elmeaux | September 5th, 2008 at 6:25 pm |
If you’re a Democrat and you prefer wine over beer, you are an “elitist.”
If you’re a Republican and you prefer a beer heiress over your first wife, you are a “committed family man.”
David | September 5th, 2008 at 6:39 pm |
SILENTMAJORITY SAID: ‘If Sarah Palin’s husband gets arrested for DUI 20 years ago, it’s current events. If B. Hussein Obama did cocaine 20 years ago it was just “youthful experimentation”.
Hey SM!
If you’re Sarah Palin’s husband and you endanger who knows how many innocent people who happen to be sharing the road with your drunken self 20 years ago, it’s water under the bri—
oops. didn’t want to bring up a sore subject. Did you know there was a Road to Nowhere too? And a Dairy to Nowhere, now that one’s amusing.
If you experimented with cocaine when you were a teenager, 30 years ago, you are the Devil Incarnate, but referring to you by your middle name will destroy you! Yup Yup!
Mrs. Polly | September 5th, 2008 at 7:08 pm |
If Sarah Palin’s husband gets arrested for DUI 20 years ago, it’s current events. If B. Hussein Obama did cocaine 20 years ago it was just “youthful experimentation”.
TheSilentMajority | September 3rd, 2008 at 2:49 pm |
–
If you insist on calling Senator Obama ‘B. Hussein Obama’ despite the fact that that’s not even remotely how he’s addressed himself or has been addressed by others, you’re a fuckwit trying to play on America’s fears, and doing so in the most stupidly transparent way.
Brooke | September 5th, 2008 at 7:13 pm |
If you use your ivy league education to help Americans whose jobs have been outsourced, you are a failure.
If you use your ivy league education to help outsource American jobs you are a success.
Tanya | September 5th, 2008 at 7:16 pm |
If you’re a 28-year-old hedge fund executive with an Oxford master’s degree and you decide to support your mother in her political campaign, you are being “pimped out.”
If you’re a 17-year-old high school kid with a Wasilla baby bump and your mother mercilessly drags you into the spotlight of her political campaign, you are making a “courageous choice.”
ben | September 5th, 2008 at 7:20 pm |
If you are 17 year-old minority, and you get caught in some drug related crime, you’re a vicious, unrepentant thug, who should be prosecuted as an adult.
If you are 17 and caught committing the same crime, but you’re white and live in the suburbs, you’re a misunderstood teenage boy in need of some counseling sessions. Expert psychologists need to delve into your childhood to better understand you; prison is not the answer.
H.L.C. | September 5th, 2008 at 7:22 pm |
If you’re white, win a beauty contest, attended 5-6 colleges before finally graduating, join the PTA, are voted to be mayor by 1000 people, govern a sparsely populated state for a almost two years now, and randomly get chosen at the last minute to be VP…you’ve lived the American dream, “she’s every American”.
But if you’re black, raised by a single mother, lived on food stamps, help the community, get into Harvard, become the first black editor of the Harvard Law Review, build a great campaign organization from scratch, and are voted to be the presidential nominee by millions of people, you are just “uppity”.
Andi | September 5th, 2008 at 7:46 pm |
If your pastor says “g-ddamn America” in the context of a quote from somebody else who’s making major points on race, class and income discrepancy in America, then you—as a member of a church where you are hearing the pastor talk about someone else’s opinion—are a traitor.
If you join the Alaska Independence Party, or AIP, an organization that supports Alaskan secession from the U.S., where the AIP’s founder, Joe Vogler, told an interviewer in 1991: “The fires of hell are frozen glaciers compared to my hatred for the American government. … And I won’t be buried under their damn flag” then you’re idiosyncratic and cute in a “Northern Exposure” kinda way
Robin Landseadel | September 5th, 2008 at 7:47 pm |
If you’re a Democrat who has been in the Senate for two years, you are a Washington insider who will only give us more of the same.
If you’re a Republican who has been in the Senate for 26 years, you are a Washington ousider and the candidate for change.
Judy | September 5th, 2008 at 8:13 pm |
If you have a Democratic convention that shows no diversity in the audience, you are racist. If you have a Republican convention lacking diversity, you are appealing to “Hockey Moms,” wearing “lipstick.”
Angel | September 5th, 2008 at 8:40 pm |
If you’re a Black presidential candidate that has wide appeal and the ability to motivate over two million Americans to re-engage in the political process you’re an egomaniac with a messiah complex seeking the spotlight.
However, if you’re a right wing conservative - you’re applauded for your “likeability” and called a “unifier for the Republican base”
Sharifa Johka | September 5th, 2008 at 8:47 pm |
If you’re Sarah Palin you’re a pitbull with lipstick’
If you’re John McCain, even Sarah Palin won’t be enough to put lipstick on the GOP pig after these past 8 years!
Sharon | September 5th, 2008 at 9:11 pm |
If a one compares Barack Obama to Jesse Jackson to devalues his accomplishments, they are merely pointing out a historical fact. If one compares Sarah Palin to Gereldine Ferraro……Shut up you sexist pig!
Rick | September 5th, 2008 at 9:39 pm |
she shouldn’t have sold the jet on Ebay (which she didn’t). she should have kept it for McSame to crash like all the others he crashed. hmmm how much did that cost us?
Linda | September 5th, 2008 at 10:05 pm |
If you’re a Republican, you shoot guys in the face.
If you get shot in the face by a Republican, you’re the one that should apologize.
Little Mickey | September 5th, 2008 at 10:09 pm |
This is great stuff… Very funny… But, unfortunately, it leads to a sad realization: we (the nation) will never be able to truly come together because there’s always going to be an “us vs. them” mentality. That’s the party system for you… Although that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try… Obama/Biden in ‘08
Adam | September 5th, 2008 at 10:51 pm |
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